5 Annoying Social Media Users Who Should be Banned Today

By Matt Valentine

They somehow manage to rear their ugly head on all of our friends and followers lists. They are the social media users we love to hate and wish would be banned. Sometimes we keep them on our list out of sheer amusement just to see what they will say next. They are the 5 Annoying Social Media Users Who Should be Banned TODAY!

1- The Excessive Partier

I don’t care how old you are, chances are you have one of these people on your list. The excessive partier is a particularly annoying breed. These are the people whose only interest it seems is to express to the rest of us their inabilities to either A). Get a job or B.) hold their liquor.

Their status updates are a never ending stream of pictures from bars, and clubs and delightful quotes that usually begin with “Dear liver…”  Yes, they actively try to make us believe that they are living the cavalier lifestyles of a Hemingway, or a Hunter S. Thompson only they lack any of the aforementioned talent and their masterpiece is written in 180 characters or less.

Congratulations! You, unlike the rest of the population over 21, are able to go out on a weekend (and in their case weekdays) and drink! We get it, ok? You are special.  Imbibing mass quantities of alcohol and letting us know about it every time you do is what distinguishes you from the rest of us, who imbibe mass quantities of alcohol and don’t feel the need to share it with the world. 

Oh, by the way, if you are wondering why you can’t seem to find a job you do realize potential employers check your Facebook page…right?

2- The Useless Updater

Fairly self explanatory, these are the people who firmly believe that we should all be included on every mundane detail of their incredibly boring lives. Stating that you are “Going to take a shower.” really isn’t something I care to know about unless you are Megan Fox and you’re streaming it live so please stop.

3- The Facebook Gamer

There is, I hope, a special place in social media hell for these people. They constantly spam our streams with their meaningless achievements in virtual worlds like Farmville, Mafia Wars and the like.  “Jan jus completed a mission in Mafia Wars”. “Jan received a yellow ribbon in Farmville.” NO ONE CARES! Let me make that very clear because literally NO ONE CARES!

As excited as you may be that you wasted six months of your life toiling away on your imaginary farm and finally reached your goal of buying a brand new red fantasy barn, the rest of us have lives to lead out in the real world, oh, and did I mention…WE DON’T CARE!  

4- The Gym Junkie

Oh the gym junkie, my personal favorite. They live by a solitary credo stolen directly from the geniuses on the Jersey Shore, GTL. Gym. Tan. Laundry. Their life is actually prioritized in that exact order and amazingly enough it’s a source of pride not embarrassment.

Fine, you like to work out and stay in shape, very admirable of you. But, do I really need to know every single time you go to the gym, or that you like protein shakes? Don’t those two things usually go hand in hand anyway?

On a side note, these people are also incredibly likely to be a multiple offender of this list, especially annoying social media user number one. The only difference is they will exclusively be holding a clear liquor concoction because it packs less calories and their quote will likely be, “Dear liver, going to the gym to work off this awesome hangover”. Good, go and please don’t come back.

5- The Chronic Fan-er

You know who I am talking about. They literally become a fan of every fan page on Facebook. They’re probably a fan of becoming a fan on a fan page. If you want to be a fan of something I am fine with that, but seriously stop sending me suggestions to become a fan of “Cure Brown Bunnies” or something like that, even though I certainly have a closeted interest in it, I’m not quite ready to go public with it.

5 Ways To Become A Social Media Super Star

By Matt Valentine

When you really think about what Social Media is, why it started, and why its become so popular, it boils down to one basic thing...a need for attention. It's that primal human instinct to be wanted, to be liked, and to be accepted. This instinct, originally engendered in us as a method for survival, has continually evolved around the social structures we create and so, where once we needed to belong to a tribe or clan as a way to ensure the continued existence of our species and our own personal survival, this instinct has taken on a new form. In todays day and age this instinct is shaped by a desire to be accepted and noticed on a mass scale, not because it is necessary to survive, but simply because it makes us feel feel all warm and fuzzy and special when people pay attention to us.

Now, some of you may be thinking that this isn't true. That you use Social Media as a means to project your expertise, to let people know about your business, to fill your friends in about whats going on in your life, etc. etc. but let me ask you one simple question: If a tweet doesn't get retweeted does it make a sound?

The simple fact is Social Media is a numbers game. We are all in it for more followers, more fans, more friends,more retweets, more likes, more whatever, and anyone who says otherwise is a liar!

But, enough with the serious talk and on to the reason why you came here in the first please becoming a Social Media Super Star!

Allow me to take you on a little journey, a quest if you will. Allow me to be your Sherpa on your mountainous traverse to becoming a Social Media Super Star!And on too...

THE LIST

1. Be a Gorgeous Woman

Unless you are a really ridiculously good looking man, much like myself, one sure fire way to become a Social Media Super Star is to be, or become a good looking lady; because if there is one thing social media nerds of the male variety like more then social media itself, its hot women who like social media. Look it up, its a fact.

If you're not a beautiful woman and you don't want to invest the money to turn yourself into one (sex changes are not as simple as they look), a simple suggestion would be to find and use the picture of a hot woman as your profile picture. Tip: try to get permission first, or risk suffering the legal ramifications.

2. Be Someone Who is Already a Celebrity or Athlete

Believe it or not already being famous seems to be a great launching pad toward Social Media stardom.You can even be a huge douche like Ashton Kutcher and still have a strong following.  Yea, I don't get it either, but stats don't lie. The real question is how does one become a celebrity in the real world?

Becoming a celebrity in the "real world" is no easy task, well relatively speaking anyway. My advice, have a bunch of kids, the more the better, if you can top somewhere in the vicinity of 20 you're a ready made star, (this is more of a long term strategy), if instant stardom is what you're after have 8 or 9 kids in one shot and I can almost gaurantee a contract with TLC will be waiting for you in the nursery of the hospital.  This strategy is the only one I could think of that nearly everyone can do, because let's face it if you were going to become a star athlete I am pretty sure it would have happened already.

3. Be Unique, Very Funny, or Find Someone Who is and Exploit Them


For most of our lives many of us have been led to believe that we are special and unique, like beautfiful snowflakes. Let me just clear this little misconception up right now, you're not and you never will be and anyone who told you otherwise was probably obligated to by law or by paternal instincts.

If we were all really that unqiue and always had unique and important things to say then there would be no such thing as trending topics on Twitter ( I know, pretty sound logic, because how could anything be trendy if we were all saying wonderfully unique things?). So, tweeting that Corey Haim died just 20 short years after his career did, while completely awesome and hilarious and possibly offensive does not qualify as being unique.

In fact, here's a little test. Ask ten people what makes them unique and see if more then two of them have an answer that actually makes sense. Personally, I have an awesome answer because I have three nipples and that totally qualifies as unique, but most people will not even come close to that level.

What was I talking about? Oh right, will since you're not unique and being funny is a gift god bestows upon so few of us you're going to have to find and exploit someone who is funny or unique, or you could just pay me to do it...either way.

Finding this person will be difficult. As previously stated, funny and unique people are rare breeds and seeing as how most of these people are probably already using some form of Social Media, finding one that isn't will makes this task that much more difficult.

I recommend finding on old person. This old person should be generally grumpy, but capable of dropping charming tidbits of wisdom about life much like the Old Man on Pawn Stars (if you don't know who that is look it up, that guy is amazing) or this guys dad http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays cus he's funny too.


4. Be an Animal 


Are you an animal? Can you type? If you answered yes to these questions then I have no idea why you're reading this because in all likely hood you already have a bigger following then most people do. If you are not already an animal the chances of you one day becoming an animal are sadly enough, pretty slim. I know, it's depressing. I'm just hoping I live long enough to see science catch up with my dream of becoming a Beagle. No, not the dog, but a hybrid bear/eagle. Much like this:

In case you were wondering this cat http://twitter.com/sockington has over 1.5 million followers and counting.


5. Be the Founder of a Social Media Site


Everyone knows Tom from MySpace mainly because we've all been forced to become friends with him, but thats the point. If you are the founder of a social media site you can literally force people to be friends with you. So what are you waiting for? Go make it happen.

10 Signs You're A Social Media Addict

1. You’re real life conversations consist of no more then 140 characters.
2. You no longer have “real life” conversations.
3. You belong to a social network for people addicted to social networks.
4. On Facebook you’re a fan of… Facebook.
5. When you heard Google was coming out with a social media platform you became aroused and then promptly tweeted about it.
6. When people ask you who your friends are you say things like: Ashton Kutcher, Barack Obama, Al Gore, Bill Gates.
7. Youtypethingslikethistouselessspace and put #hashtags #in #front #of #everything. 
8. You’re Facebook friends with your entire graduating class from high school even though you didn’t talk to or like most of them.
9. The best part of your day is checking to see if you have new followers, friends or fans.
10. You read this tweeted it, shared it on Facebook, and Dugg it. 

Please share some of your signs of social media addiction. For those of you trying to kick the habit check out http://kdf-comp.blogspot.com/2010/02/3-sure-fire-ways-to-implode-your-social.html 

Matt Valentine is the Marketing Manager at KDF Reprographics, Inc. providers of Large Format Printing, Vehicle Wraps, Fleet Graphics, Color Scanning, Posters, Banners and Trade Show Displays. To contact Matt or setup an interview please call 888-533-2667 or visit our website @ http://www.kdf-comp.com/ or you can become a fan on Facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/pages/Rockleigh-NJ/KDF-Reprographics-Inc/209102776252?ref=ts or follow us on Twitter @http://twitter.com/KDFReprographic

3 Sure Fire Ways to Implode Your Social Media Following

There are literally dozens of people eagerly awaiting this post (that's including my father, so in advance thanks Pops for the "Like" on Facebook) so, I better get to it before we have a full on riot on our hands, or more accurately a small collection of mildly perturb people.

As many of us know we are constantly being bombarded with advice on how to improve, enhance, increase, upgrade etc.our social media followings, but very few people are detailing the best ways to implode a social media following.  And when I see a void I fill it! It's just my nature. 

I am addressing those people out there that are sick of being tied down to their Twitter accounts and Facebook pages. Those of us who can't bare the thought of staring at another stream, throwing out another retweet, or believing  that social media is actually social. I mean really, when did sitting in front of a computer all day become a social activity? 

So, on the assumption that you have a social media following in the first place (why are you here if you don't?)

Here are my 3 sure fire ways to implode your social media following:

Ignore People, Then Get Angry 

Here's the scenario: Some customer has posted a negative comment about you, your company, or your product on one or all of the various social media outlets. 

Step 1-

Ignore this person for as long as possible. This may require weeks or even months of self restraint and discipline on your part. Your goal here is to get this person as angry as humanly feasible. When they have reached the peak of their anger and it is just about to subside you move on to...

Step 2- 

Launch an aggressive, hate filled counter attack and get very angry, I am talking Michael Douglas "Wall Street" angry or Christian Bale angry. You want to call this person names, express to them that they are a liar, and tell them that they most likely emit a foul body odor. Tracking them down and slapping them around Gordon Gekko style is also an excellent approach. Keep in mind that your ultimate goal is to turn this single angry customer into an army of angry customers sure to destroy your social media following and perhaps even your entire business.

Sell, Sell and Sell Some More
A lot of social media "gurus" will tell you that social media is the place where you can add a more personal aspect to your business. It gives people the opportunity to see your business as more then just an entity, but as a place where actual human beings work. This is a great strategy if you want to build a strong social media following, but we are here to destroy our following like Jeff Zucker destroyed NBC (I'm still bitter over Conan).

Instead of trying to interact with your customers/fans/followers just sell to them all the time and make sure you continually use the same pitch so that it becomes stale, uninteresting and eventually aggravating. You will want to tweet/post this message at least ten times a day... the more the better actually. You should probably hire someone whose sole purpose is to bombard all your followers streams with this message, giving you the time to focus on more important things like our next tip.

Be Depressing 
A recent study done by a company who does a lot of social media studies, found that the most forwarded/retweeted stories are those that inspire awe or good feelings in people. The stories that make people realize just have amazing and unbelievable this world can be gain incredible traction in the social media world. You are going to avoid being an aggregator of this type of content. In fact, you will become an aggregator of the exact opposite type of content.

If you choose to ignore my advice about being personal with your social media accounts, get personal in a way that will surely turn people off. Find stories that are depressing, tweet about how your favorite pet just died in a horrible accident with a Toyota that just would not slow down and that your child, who just got their license that day, their birthday, was the one behind the wheel.  Provide pictures if possible.

Avoid being fun, witty, or interesting. Act is if your job or life in general is slowly sucking all the joy from your soul and watch as your followers recoil from you in fear and loathing.

I would love to hear more ideas on how to implode your social media following because I am fresh out.

Oh and please digg, RT,stumble and share this post, otherwise how will everyone know about it?

Matt Valentine is the Marketing Manager at KDF Reprographics, Inc. providers of Large Format Printing, Vehicle Wraps, Fleet Graphics, Color Scanning, Posters, Banners and Trade Show Displays. To contact Matt or setup an interview please call 888-533-2667 or visit our website @ http://www.kdf-comp.com/ or you can become a fan on Facebook @ http://www.facebook.com/pages/Rockleigh-NJ/KDF-Reprographics-Inc/209102776252?ref=ts or follow us on Twitter @http://twitter.com/KDFReprographic

5 Things That Changed Business in the 2000’s

The aught years have been a strange, exciting, and scary time for many businesses. In the 2000’s business experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. The last ten years have brought scandals (Madoff, Enron), booms and busts (dot coms, housing) technological advances, a global recession, and many important lessons that should guide us into the 2010’s.

With the decade coming to a close let’s take a look at the things that changed business in the 2000’s.

Google

Think back, and try to remember how you used to search the internet before Google. Yep, I can barely remember either. Google single handedly revolutionized the way we all interact with the internet and the tactics we use to get our businesses found on the web. In 2000 Google was a small search engine with a loyal following; by 2006 the word Google was included in both the Merriam Webster Collegiate Dictionary and the Oxford English Dictionary. In fact, I had to Google, Google just to write this.

BlackBerry

In 1999 the first BlackBerry device was introduced as a two-way pager. By 2002 the first smartphone BlackBerry was rolled out bringing with it a host of biz friendly applications and the business world hasn’t been the same since.

For better or worse many of us are now attached to our work literally at the hip. Where once we had to be by a computer in order to do anything work related, we can now perform any number of tasks right on our phone. The BalckBerry has been great for businesses for sure, maybe not so great for those of us now addicted to our “CrackBerry”.

Social Media

One of the major themes of the decade was a need for instant gratification, nowhere is this better typified then in the explosion of social media applications.

Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, LinkedIn, Wordpress, etc.  whichever one you or your business is on and you’re most likely on all of them, these social media platforms have changed the way we interact with friends, family, and most importantly to businesses…consumers.

Booms, Busts, and Bailouts

First it was the dot com boom. In 1995 buying into dot com’s was all the rage, by 2001 it went from dot com to “dot bomb” as the bottom fell out on the dot com market and investors found out just how shaky many of these companies foundations really were.

Next, it was the housing bubble that burst. In the first half of the decade housing prices were at an all time high with property values around the nation jumping in some places more than 80%.

It wouldn’t last long as the bubble began to burst in 2006 and by 2008 the Case-Shiller home price index reported its largest price drop in history, launching the sub-prime mortgage crisis.

The stock market was no stranger to the wild boom/bust swings of the 2000’s either.

In 2007 the Dow Jones Industrial Average soared to record heights. On April 27, 2007 the Dow closed above the 13,000 mark for the first time in history and continued to surge upward.

On Oct. 9, 2007 the Dow hit an all time high of 14,164.53. Yet, like seemingly everything else in this decade as soon as something reached record heights it was poised to set record lows.

And that’s exactly what happened on Sep. 29, 2008. When word spread on Wall Street that the House had rejected the government’s $700 billion bailout plan, the Dow fell 778 points, its largest single day drop in history.

Speaking of government bailouts the 2000’s saw its share of those as well. It began with the $700 billion Emergency Economic Stabilization Act to help ensure that America’s banking system would not fail. While American institutions like the Lehman Brothers were allowed to go under, other institutions deemed to big to fail, like AIG, were kept afloat by the government’s bailout package.

Then it was the American auto industry which needed a bailout. Though Ford did not take any bailout money Chrysler and GM took billions in tax-payer dollars only to eventually file for bankruptcy anyway. The government then promised billions more to keep the companies afloat.

How did all this change business? Well, it taught us that bad lending practices, and living well beyond our means is simply… bad business.

The Great Recession

Undoubtedly nothing has had a greater impact on business and on many of our lives as the economic recession.

Beginning in the United States in December 2007 and predicted by some to last into 2011 the “Great Recession” has had and will continue to have a profound impact on how we conduct business.

Though the actual origins of the recession are still being debated there is no doubt that it resulted from a confluence of events including: reckless lending practices, sub-prime loans, a sharp increase in oil and food prices, the bursting of the housing bubble and the collapse of the Lehman Brothers.

As a result many businesses were forced to lay off thousands of employees and the unemployment rate in the U.S. went from 4.9% in December 2007 to 10.9% in October 2009.

Though there are signs that the recession is waning the real question for businesses is not when the recession will end, but how can we prevent it from happening again.

The Death of E-Mail and the Wave of the Future

To many of us email plays an integral role in our everyday interactions whether they are business or personal.

For the last decade email has been the essential non-voice communication tool. A study of U.S. workers by Pew Internet & American life found that 88 percent checked their inbox at least once a day. Of those 70 percent checked several times a day.

According to a study by the American Management Association, U.S. workers spend an average of 1 hour and 47 minutes per day dealing with email.

Eight percent spent more than four hours a day dealing with email.

According to the Association for Interactive Marketing, small businesses spend 10% of their time on email management.

With all this time dedicated solely to email one has to wonder how anyone could so boldly claim the death of e-mail.

The reasoning is actually two-fold.

First, as younger people enter the work place they bring with them an appetite for instant gratification. Having lived through the social-media revolution they demand and expect instantaneous, real-time interaction. Their devotion to technologies such as SMS and Instant Messaging has led many of them to turn their backs on the “relic” that is e-mail.

In fact, new research shows that the growth rate of instant messaging through service such as Google, Yahoo and Microsoft is far outpacing the growth in the use of e-mail.

Second, e-mail has several disadvantages and liabilities. Spam and viruses have not only turned off the younger generation of internet users, but have also caused security issues for small businesses and large corporations alike.

Furthermore, compared with the abilities of many Web 2.0 applications such as Facebook, Twitter etc. where interactions occur in the blink of an eye. Email can be ignored, or postponed until the receiver is ready, a huge disadvantage in the eyes of many.

The truth is however, for business people email is still an extremely necessary form of communication and social media services such as Facebook and Twitter while effective for certain types of communication lack a formal tone that is often needed in a business setting.

I don’t know how many people would feel comfortable updating their boss about a project by shooting him a tweet or posting a Facebook status.

Enter Google Wave. An appropriately named application as it is positioned to be the wave of the future and the proverbial noose around e-mail’s neck.

In essence Google Wave is a real time communication platform that combines a number of elements including email, instant messaging, web chat, social networking, wikis, and project management.

Google Wave introduces a host of “game changing” features that can significantly alter the way we conduct business.

Here are just some of the features Google Wave offers:

-Real-time: Every person involved in a Wave can see what someone is typing as they are typing it character by character.

-Extensions and Apps: Google Wave will introduce a number of extensions and applications that can be utilized in a variety of ways. Users can add a game of Sudoku to their wave, or an extension called Trippy in which users can, according to Google “co-create an itinerary including Lonely Planet recommendations organize, share, print or export to My Maps.” For businesses the Conference extension will prove to be extremely useful.

-Open Source: Allows plenty of room for expansion and innovation. Developers will be able to create new extensions and applications as new needs arise providing Google Wave with endless opportunities to improve.

-Embed Waves: If you have a great Wave that you would like to share with others waves can be easily embedded onto any blog or website.

-Real-time editing (Wiki): Every aspect of a Wave can be edited by anyone taking part in the Wave. Users can add items to a list, expand on ideas etc. all in real time.

-Playback: Enables users to go to any point of a wave and see what was said.

-Drag and Drop File Sharing: Take a file from your desktop, drag it into a Wave and each person in the Wave will have instant access to the file.

-Autocorrecting: Google Wave will automatically correct spelling mistakes, and can even decipher the difference between words like there and their.

Google Wave is currently in a preview phase and will certainly undergo many changes before it is released on a mass scale, but I have to admit Wave looks incredibly promising so far.

It seems very likely that in the not too distant future we will all be riding the Wave, and email will be left in its wake.